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A story about learning to accept yourself the way you are, to work hard for your own dreams and not to try and live another person's life.    A little boy stood gazing up at his father’s life tree. It was a huge and handsome oak, with a sturdy trunk, a deep and well connected network of roots and enough branches to house many birds and squirrels. The little boy thought of his father as he stared at the tree. He thought about how his father was a confident and well respected man. He also thought about how his father had many friends and contacts, how he had achieved great things and how he was always looking out for others. The little boy wished he could have a tree like his father’s. His own tree that his father had given him recently was only a sapling and the boy was ashamed at how small and insignificant it looked next to his father’s. How impressed his father would be if he could get a tree like that for himself!       Making up his mind, he quickly dashed home to find a shovel. He also packed himself a lunch and took with him the largest sack he could find, for he was very serious about finding a handsome tree for himself. Marching through the forest behind his house, he inspected every large tree he came across. The first tree he found had a sturdy trunk, but its roots were not deep and well connected, and the boy knew well enough that those kinds of tree would fall down quickly if there ever was a storm. The second tree he found was even larger than the first, with a sturdy trunk and deep and extensive roots, but its branches were a bit too bare for the boy’s liking: He wanted a tree that had enough branches for the birds and squirrels to live in, just like his father’s. So onwards he went.       After quite a while, during which the boy had eaten his lunch, he came out at a clearing, where the sound of running water was not too far away. Turning his head towards the sound, his mouth fell open at the sight of a tree that looked perfect for him! It was a tall and beautiful beech tree with young and healthy branches filled with squirrels chasing each other from branch to branch, eating the beech nuts adorning the tree. The leaves of the tree were a luscious green and they were rustling in the wind.   He went closer, heart beating with tentative excitement, and saw that the tree had a strong trunk and well-developed roots. With a shout of joy, he immediately ran to the tree and started to dig at the base of the tree.       Hours later, the sun was setting and the boy was starting to get hungry, although he would not admit it. He was still digging away, but his pace had slowed and his hands were covered in dirt and blisters. Pausing only to wipe big droplets of sweat away from his forehead, the boy had worked non-stop since he had seen the tree. Nevertheless, he had not made much progress in digging the tree out yet. Slightly discouraged yet equally desperate, the boy carried on digging until the colour had faded from the sky and the cold had settled over the ground. For a moment, the boy debated whether to leave the tree and go back home, but the thought of returning without a tree of his own was too harsh to face. As a result, he continued digging by the light of the moon, fueled by a desire to prove himself and make his father proud.       “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the boy’s father. “What on earth are you doing here? Do you not know how worried we are?”       The boy rolled over and sat up groggily. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he peered at the form of his father in the darkness. Somehow he must have fallen asleep. The shovel was still firmly in his grip and he was now covered in dirt from head to toe. The hole he had dug next to where he lay was quite large now, for he had worked hard, but his body ached from the digging and the cold, and his stomach ached with hunger. All of his muscles seemed to be stiff and painful and his brain felt clouded and strained. The boy opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Looking into his father’s beautiful, concerned eyes, the boy felt tears start to leak out of his eyes and trickle silently down his face.      “I…I just wanted to make you proud,” whispered the boy. “I wanted to get a tree of my own, just like yours. But it is too hard. I’ve been digging and digging, but I’m still nowhere near digging the tree up!”      “Oh, my son!” breathed his father. Relief and love were clearly present in his voice. He sat down on the ground beside his son and gave him the kind of hug that fixes all problems.       “Don’t you know that I am proud of you already? That you have already achieved so much, and made so many friends, and helped so many people? Isn’t that why you already have a tree of your own?”      “Yes, but it looks so small and weak compared to all the other trees in this forest!”      “My son, have you forgotten how trees grow? How do big trees become big? Do they do so overnight? Doesn’t it take years of watering and caring for a tree to make it grow tall?”      “Yes…” replied the boy hesitantly.      “You cannot dig up someone else’s tree and try to take their life and success. It won’t work, because their tree is not your tree and it will not become the tree you truly desire. You need to water your own sapling consistently over many years, and then you too will have the large and beautiful tree you desire. Pride does not come from having a large tree, but from growing your own tree, little by little, day by day. Do you understand the difference?”      “Not really…” the boy replied.      “You are looking at all the amazing trees you see and thinking that only a large tree will make others and yourself proud of you. But that is an illusion. Pride comes from having put in the effort to grow your own large tree, not the tree itself. So the size of your tree doesn’t matter. I am proud of you for the young, healthy tree you have. You can be proud of yourself.”      The boy thought for a while. He was tired and exhausted. Trying to dig up someone else’s tree was hard and unrewarding. His thoughts drifted to his own tree. It was a young hazelnut tree, with promising buds and strong and supple branches. If he were to water it everyday, it would be a manageable and rewarding task. For he realised that he was actually fond of his little tree, and watering it everyday would make him feel important and valuable. Yes, he thought, I will look after my own tree, and be proud of its every little growth, and one day, I will have a magnificent tree of my own that I will be proud of, not because it will be impressive, but because it will be my own. And with that, he fell back into a deep sleep, this time a peaceful and content sleep, and a smile hovered on his face as his father carried him home.

A little story about body image, beauty and confidence.       In a big city, somewhere in a populated area, is a large and popular clothes shop. This clothes shop is popular because not only does it sell clothes, but it also teaches its shoppers how to select their clothes. This was a wise and innovative business move because the shop realised how little its shoppers knew how to buy their clothes properly. It watched daily as people walked in, picked up items they saw others buying or trying on items that were either too small or too big for them. It watched as some people bought the most expensive and flamboyant items to stand out, while others tried to buy the most plain and neutral clothes to blend in. It also endured all of the comments that people made daily such as ‘does this look ok?’ or ‘I wish I were more beautiful’.       So one day, it put up a notice on its wall saying: ‘Clothes are sold in this shop not to make you more beautiful or handsome, but to enable you to express the character and beauty you already have’. At first, the shoppers were incredulous. How dare the shop suggest that they were beautiful already! Buying clothes gave them an excuse to feel good about themselves without actually having to dig deep within them to figure out how to feel good about themselves in the first place. So it was no surprise that the shoppers were about to turn around and find another shop when they caught sight of the most handsome mannequin imaginable. Unlike an ordinary mannequin, with its lifeless and fashionable look, this mannequin seemed to be truly alive. Its clothes were swaying in some invisible breeze and the colours suited it perfectly. Beauty seemed to radiate from somewhere within the mannequin and the shoppers were captivated.      A deep and mysterious desire bubbled up in the hearts of the shoppers as they stared at the mannequin. The iridescent colours of the mannequin’s clothes seemed to be touching the very core of the people as they saw the possibility of what could be if they followed this  strange new advice. One by one, the shoppers turned around and headed back towards the clothes on sale. Colours and designs seemed to burst with life and energy as the shoppers thought for the first time ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What suits me?’. People laughed and danced as they tried on new outfits and beauty could be found everywhere. Those who always tried to keep up with other’s opinions discovered their own true colours. Those who lacked the confidence to try on expressive styles gasped as they realised how free and confident they now looked.       So now, joyful shoppers enter the shop everyday as the shop looks on in happiness. For they have all learned the lesson that the shop wanted them to: That wearing clothes does not make them more beautiful, or more unattractive, or more anything. Instead, they shop because they are already beautiful, or confident, or smart, so they simply buy the things that reflect their character. And when both align with each other, they leave the shop looking amazing in every possible way.

A little story about believing in yourself and running your own race in life.    Over a hill and far away, there lived a brilliant marathon runner. He was the fastest, most tireless and most consistent runner that the people had ever seen. He had not lost a single race for over 3 years and everyone was desperate to find out his secrets to success. How could someone succeed so many times without being beaten? How could someone have such consistent results? And why did he always run with a nonchalant smile on his face when all the other competitors either looked like they had been dragged through the race against their will, or that they were desperate to beat their opponents? Well, you are in luck, because a young boy, desperate to become like his hero asked him one day after the race      “What is your secret to becoming so successful? How come you are so fast and have such endurance?”     To which the marathon runner replied,      “When I was younger like you, I used to race my opponents and try to go faster than them. I would always be concerned about looking greater than them, at never being overtaken.”      “But isn’t that what racing is all about?”      “Ah”, replied the marathon runner, “The thing is, I do not race to beat anyone else anymore. I do not mind if anyone overtakes me, or if my pace is slower than someone else’s. I just race my own race. I know my pace, I know what I have worked for, and I trust in my process that it is enough. That I have done enough. I also don’t care much about the goal anymore.”     “What do you mean you don’t care about the goal anymore? How can you not care about the goal? The end of the race? Where people will cheer you for coming first?”      “When I used to race against others, I would change my pace whenever someone was trying to overtake me, or get caught up thinking about the snide remarks they would hurl at me to make me slow down. I would also lose motivation if the goal seemed too far and I was getting tired. But now, I just focus on my breathing, the sounds of my footfalls and of those that cheer me along the way. I find little joys along the paths, like flowers or trees, and I enjoy the beauty of the entire race, and not just the end.”      The marathon runner laughed.      “I know it seems paradoxical that the moment I decide not to race others, I win every time, but the thing is, most people, my younger self included, do not realise how great they actually are if they just let themselves be themselves.”      And with that, the marathon runner gave a chuckle, turned gracefully on the spot and ran onwards into the distance, his hair flying free behind him.

How often do you find yourself saying "I'm fine" when you are actually far from it? Here is a short story to help you see how damaging this small lie can be, and to give you a different perspective so that you can find the courage to ask for help.     “Teacher,” said a little girl. “You are a teacher.”      “Yes,” replied the teacher. “What are you trying to say?”      “Well, I know that you must have to deal with many, many difficult students that do mischievous things and then try to get away with it.”      The teacher laughed, throwing her head back.      “Why yes, of course I have to deal with many mischievous students that get into all sorts of trouble.”      “Then you must be an expert on lies,” replied the girl, her face unbelievably innocent, her eyes wide like a puppy’s. “Tell me, what is the biggest and grandest lie you have ever heard?”      All at once the teacher became very serious. She somehow looked ten years older, not in a way that made her look elderly, but in a way that made her look wise. And she remarked, with the experience only an insightful and excellent teacher has,      “The biggest and grandest lie I have ever heard, and repeatedly hear in fact, is a seemingly small lie. Like all the biggest and grandest lies that ever existed, it looks insignificant at the surface level, but it is insidious, like cancer in the body, and it can ruin the life of the person who said the lie as well as those the person loves.”      “Ruin the lives of the person and those they love?” exclaimed the girl. “Who would ever lie to hurt themselves and those they love? What kind of lie has such power?”      “It is the lie of replying to ‘How are you?’ with ‘I’m fine’ when clearly you are not.” Said the teacher, her eyes holding the girl’s as if trying to pour all of her wisdom and experience into her. “Saying ‘I’m fine’ when you are struggling is a way to rob yourself from the very help you need, as well as robbing others of the opportunity to help you. It is like you are telling them that you do not trust them, that you do not need them and that you do not love them.”      “How is saying ‘I’m fine’ tell someone you do not love them? I don’t understand! That seems too extreme!”       “It is because of fear that you do not tell someone of your problems. And you cannot love someone fully if you fear them, or their response. That is the insidious part of the lie. Of course they know you do actually love them, but if you keep on rejecting them and not allowing them into your most private thoughts, they will gradually come to believe the lie that you do not love them, that you do not trust them. How can they stay close if there is an unspoken barrier between you?”      “Oh I see.” pondered the girl. “That is a big lie. A very big and grand lie.”

It was mid-afternoon and the sun was enveloping the Earth with a warm embrace. Zavian was sitting on a wall by the road and enjoying the warm air and cool breeze. Kicking his legs back and forth, he was nonchalantly observing the busy traffic. Honking horns, shouting drivers and crying children. Why were these people so rushed? Zavian couldn’t see the point. Here he was, enjoying his afternoon, while everyone else was stressing themselves out by rushing from here to there. Of course, it is good to work and travel, Zavian thought, but I don’t want to fill my time up with so many plans and to-do lists that I can’t enjoy myself! Happiness doesn’t come from having done things, happiness comes from enjoying what you have done. And with that, he hopped off the wall and skipped his way home.

Friendship is one of the most beautiful things we can experience in life. Learning how to make, keep and let go of friends is extremely important when navigating an ever-changing world. How to Make Friends Making friends can sometimes be very difficult. Especially if you are extremely busy, are constantly moving about or are shy and do not know how to initiate interactions with others. Here are some tips you can use to take that first step towards making a great friend! Be friendly : This sounds obvious, but I know I have been guilty of not being friendly towards others and then wondering why nobody would approach me. If you want a friend, it is your responsibility to go up to people and start an interaction. If you wait around, looking at your phone or distracting yourself, you make yourself look busy and occupied, and most people do not disturb others who look busy and occupied as they assume that the other person wants to be left alone. Notice details : Look out for the small details in someone's life. For example, observe what their routines are like, what their favourite food and drink is, what they listen to most often and what makes them laugh. Then act upon these things to let them know that you care about them and are interested in every little detail about them. Spend quality time together : To strengthen a relationship, quality time spent together is of extreme importance. The key word here is 'quality'. It is not just enough to spend time with another person; both parties have to be enjoying themselves and feel like they are cared for, heard and loved. (For example, you may spend all day with an annoying colleague, but the time you spent with them doesn't make you closer. Whereas on the other hand, you may only spend an hour a day talking to someone at your tennis club, but you get much closer to them even though you spend less time with them.) Be a good listener : Being a good listener does not mean you are just passively listening to someone speak. It means you are actively engaged in what they have to say, are asking questions, reacting to their stories and remembering key details to reminisce at a later time. People love it when others take the time to listen and understand them, as that makes us feel heard and loved. Share your life : Although it is important to listen to others, it is also important to share your life as well. To cultivate a deep relationship, you need to gradually share more and more details of your life. Start by sharing things you like and dislike, your hobbies and passions. Then, as you trust the other person more, share your dreams and struggles, the things you have learnt and the journey of your life so far. Keeping in touch with others and sharing your daily struggles and achievements makes them know that you trust them and want them to be a part of your life's journey. Your Turn! Choose one of the tips above and put them into practice. After trying the suggestion, reflect on how things went. Did you get a positive response? If so, congratulations! Keep at it and soon you'll have a new friend! If not, what went wrong? Could you have done something differently? Was the timing, topic of conversation, or your body language that was not quite right? Or was it something else entirely which you can't do anything about? How to Keep Friends Once you have made a friend, it is also important to know how to maintain that friendship. Just like you have to water a flower daily for it to grow well, you need to regularly put energy into developing the relationships you already have. Spend time together : Now that you have a friend, spend time with them! Have fun doing things together, sharing stories and making memories. Don't let work or studies use up all of your energy so that you have none left to give others. Spending time with friends is not only beneficial to you, but also to your friend as it is a way you can show them support and help them live a better life, which is always something worthwhile to do. Be one step ahead : As you get to know someone better and better, you will be able to notice when they are happy, when they are sad and when they are struggling without them ever needing to ask for help. This is when you can be one step ahead by actively reaching out to your friends when you know they need you even though they have not asked you directly. For example, you could treat your friend to a drink if you notice that they are looking a bit down, or you could give them a small gift to cheer them up. You can also keep an eye out for an opportunity that they might like, and encourage them to try something new or improve a skill that you know will benefit them even though they may be hesitant, or never have thought to try it out. Having friends that expand your horizons and bring new ideas and experiences into your life to make you a better person is a real gift that everyone should have! Share stories : Sharing stories is not just important for making friends, but also for keeping them. Some of the best stories come from exchanging information about a shared experience or a mutual social group, but any story you can use to connect with someone is what really matters. Add spark : This may not entirely be necessary to maintain a friendship, but it sure will make it more fun! If you have known someone for a long time, it may become easier to fall into a routine of doing the same things over and over. You may even start to take them for granted. However, friends should never be taken for granted, and doing something out of the ordinary can help you to reflect, pause and savour the friendship that you have. Your Turn! Think of an activity you can do with your friends, or an action you can do for your friends. Let them know that you appreciate them and are there for them always. How to Let Go of Friends (When Necessary) As hard as it can be, sometimes we have to let go of a friend that we hold dear. Perhaps you change location, job or school. Perhaps you just change as a person and naturally drift apart. Or maybe you really wanted to stay friends with someone but they for whatever reason no longer want to be friends with you. In these scenarios, it is important to forgive, remember and keep your heart open, even though it may be broken and scarred. Forgive : Especially in the case where someone no longer wants to be friends with you even though you still want to be friends with them, it is important to forgive that person for the hurt that they caused you so that you are not weighed down with bitterness for the rest of your life. This may take time, and that is ok, but it is never good for you to hold on to hurt. Treasure memories : Rather than remaining sad that your friendship didn't last, you can choose to treasure all of the happy memories that you have stored up in your mind. Even though you may not have them in person with you anymore, you can always remember the things about them that you loved and admired, and try to live out their good characteristics in their memory and honour. Be thankful for the things they did for you, and the time you spent together and treasure those memories without distorting them with the pain of losing that person. Don't harden your heart : This is another challenging yet important skill to learn. Just because someone may have hurt you, abandoned you or betrayed you doesn't mean to say that all other people you meet will be like that. It is easy to shut down after rejection, to think that you cannot trust anyone, or that it is pointless trying to make another friend because you will only be hurt again, but the truth is that it is more painful to be alone than to love and then lose. I have been there, many have been there, and the truth is that we all have to learn how to love, lose and move on. Sometimes, it can be helpful to above tips, to forgive and to treasure memories, as a way of lessening the pain so that it becomes manageable to keep your heart open. If you hold on to your pain and learn to distrust others, it will only make things even harder for you as that is when you start to think that it is better to be alone, not because it is, but because you have not learnt how to get over your pain so dealing with the things you need to to enrich your life again become too hard for you to attain. Conclusion True friends are a real gift that should always be treasured and never taken for granted. People who have deep, strong and fulfilling friendships are not only happier, but also healthier and live longer than those who do not take the time to cultivate these relationships. Although it can be hard at times to make and maintain friendships, never give up trying to connect with others as you never know when you might find someone who you will share the rest of your life with!

When Zavian returned home, he called out to his mother “I’m home!”      “Welcome back, Zavian!” his mother replied. “Don’t forget to take your shoes off and wash your hands. Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes!”       So Zavian went to the bathroom sink and turned the tap on. He loved washing his hands as he could spin the knob one way to make water come out, and spin the knob the other way and the water would stop flowing. It gave him an immense amount of satisfaction to know that he could make water rush out quickly, trickle out slowly or not come out at all. After he had washed his hands (and yes, used extra water than necessary - or maybe it was totally necessary as it made washing his hands so much more fun) he sat up at the table with eager eyes and a good appetite.      “My, my, my!” his mother laughed. “You look like a little puppy with big shining eyes!” So just for good measure, Zavian stuck his tongue out as well and panted a few times.       “I love you so much!” his mother chuckled.       Suddenly, Zavian’s face took the form of a serious and thoughtful expression. “You know something, mum?” he asked. “You say ‘I love you’ and I know it’s true, but that’s not the same as feeling loved is it?”       “No, my son, it’s not the same,” his mother replied. “Some people spend their whole lives loving someone, but they never manage to make that person feel loved by them.” “For example, I tell you ‘I love you’, but I also give you hugs, cook you delicious food and take you to your favourite parks.”     “Yes!” Zavian exclaimed. “And you also tell me every time you do something for me that you were thinking of me. That helps me really  know you love me. It also helps me not to take things for granted as you make me aware that you are going out of your way to do something nice for me, and then I can be extra grateful.”     “I’m glad to hear that!” his mother smiled. “Let’s enjoy our dinner together!”