Lies

   How often do you find yourself saying "I'm fine" when you are actually far from it? Here is a short story to help you see how damaging this small lie can be, and to give you a different perspective so that you can find the courage to ask for help.

 “Teacher,” said a little girl. “You are a teacher.”

     “Yes,” replied the teacher. “What are you trying to say?”

     “Well, I know that you must have to deal with many, many difficult students that do mischievous things and then try to get away with it.”

     The teacher laughed, throwing her head back.

     “Why yes, of course I have to deal with many mischievous students that get into all sorts of trouble.”

     “Then you must be an expert on lies,” replied the girl, her face unbelievably innocent, her eyes wide like a puppy’s. “Tell me, what is the biggest and grandest lie you have ever heard?”

     All at once the teacher became very serious. She somehow looked ten years older, not in a way that made her look elderly, but in a way that made her look wise. And she remarked, with the experience only an insightful and excellent teacher has,

     “The biggest and grandest lie I have ever heard, and repeatedly hear in fact, is a seemingly small lie. Like all the biggest and grandest lies that ever existed, it looks insignificant at the surface level, but it is insidious, like cancer in the body, and it can ruin the life of the person who said the lie as well as those the person loves.”

     “Ruin the lives of the person and those they love?” exclaimed the girl. “Who would ever lie to hurt themselves and those they love? What kind of lie has such power?”

     “It is the lie of replying to ‘How are you?’ with ‘I’m fine’ when clearly you are not.” Said the teacher, her eyes holding the girl’s as if trying to pour all of her wisdom and experience into her. “Saying ‘I’m fine’ when you are struggling is a way to rob yourself from the very help you need, as well as robbing others of the opportunity to help you. It is like you are telling them that you do not trust them, that you do not need them and that you do not love them.”

     “How is saying ‘I’m fine’ tell someone you do not love them? I don’t understand! That seems too extreme!” 

     “It is because of fear that you do not tell someone of your problems. And you cannot love someone fully if you fear them, or their response. That is the insidious part of the lie. Of course they know you do actually love them, but if you keep on rejecting them and not allowing them into your most private thoughts, they will gradually come to believe the lie that you do not love them, that you do not trust them. How can they stay close if there is an unspoken barrier between you?”

     “Oh I see.” pondered the girl. “That is a big lie. A very big and grand lie.”